Getting on with getting on.

It’s come to my attention that the world is still turning. Tonight when I left work the sky was still lit from the fading light of day – I can feel Spring coming. And each day is starting to feel a bit more normal.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It seems so… unfair.

I had to cancel another doctor’s appointment for Won. And yesterday I paid for my car insurance. It was cheaper now that Won is no longer on my insurance. We married in 1988, just after I turned 25. My car insurance rates plummeted that year because of my age and marital status. How surreal that she helped my insurance rates by being there, and by not being there.

Thanks go to “Aunty” Liz for suggesting the masseuse. You’re right, it helps. Thank you Wendy, and thank you John for bringing me delicious food, and for making sure I ate it. Thank you Jackie & John for going way above and beyond in my time of need. Thanks to my neighbors, co-workers, family and friends for checking in on me, for listening to me. And thank you to all my friends and readers who helped me financially. I start mailing out my thank you’s this weekend. It might take a few days for me to get them all out.

I didn’t realize I knew so many people. Don’t be strangers. You’re welcome to visit – just call.

I’m starting to do things now. I had a lot of plates in the air when Won died, and they all came crashing down. And I didn’t care. Now, I’m finally feeling like picking a few of those plates back up and starting them spinning again.

At least tonight I feel like it. Who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow. I’m reminded of Screwtape’s explanation of “human undulation”, the peaks and the troughs that we all experience. When on a peak, we have a hard time imagining that we can fall back to a trough again. Some things C.S. Lewis got right, he was pretty smart about humans. And I find the foreshadowing of his own tragedies interesting.

Hmm. I’m also finding it difficult to stay focused….

So, the biggest set of plates that I dropped is with CVAAS. This weekend I’ll start picking them up again. I’ll be at the CVAAS monthly business meeting this Sunday. If you’ve been working with me on CVAAS business, now is an appropriate time to send me another email to remind me of a dropped plate.

I’m still bringing order out the chaos of my life, but I can feel that I’m going to be okay.