Kookiness / religion / Rights · October 6, 2006

Get those evil books out of the school library!

Let’s hear it for concerned mother Laura Mallory for doing her best to protect the children of Gwinnett County during a hearing with the county board of education!

Mrs. Mallory is extremely concerned that the Harry Potter books, written by JK Rowling, do not turn kids to reading as is popularly thought, but instead turn kids to witchcraft! Oh horrors!

I must say that I agree completely with Mrs. Mallory’s attempts to pull Harry Potter books off of school shelves. Young minds should be coddled protectively, shielded from unwholesome influences until they reach voting age. Authors like Steinbeck and R. L. Stein; and books like “To Kill a Mockingbird,” and “Stranger in a Strange Land” stretch young minds out of shape. Leave these books for later, after the young person’s mind becomes rigidly strong enough to withstand the impact of radical notions.

And never, never let them read any books from Atheists or Freethinkers!

Another unwholesomely influential book that should never be placed on any school shelf is the Bible, of course. Really, I have a hard time understanding why this particular book is deemed ‘good’ for young people.

Mark Twain said it so well:

The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean; I know this by my own experience, and to this day I cherish an unappeasable bitterness against the unfaithful guardians of my young life, who not only permitted but compelled me to read an unexpurgated Bible through before I was 15 years old. None can do that and ever draw a clean sweet breath again this side of the grave.
— Mark Twain in a letter to librarian Asa Don Dickinson (November 21, 1905)

Come on Mrs. Mallory, let’s get the Bible out of schools next! Let me know how I can help! The amount of scat and murder in the Bible is just not something you should let this country’s kids see.

But don’t touch my own Bible, if you please. I can’t get Penthouse Forum where I live so I have to make do with the Song of Solomon.